4 Steps to Turn 'Broken' to Beautiful

“If I’m broken, how can I be fixed?”

“How do I feel better?”

“I feel different from everyone else.”

Many years ago a co-worker of mine gave me some glasswork they had made.  I was so grateful! At first, I thought it was a great decoration. It had nice color and, when I hung it on the window, it would cause the light that came into my office to turn purple and red.  It never failed to catch people’s eyes.

“Wow, that’s really pretty.  Did you make that?” This would usually offer us a good laugh when I referenced how low my ‘craft game’ is.  If it doesn’t have bendable tabs or come out of a kid’s fast food meal; I’m pretty lost.

Over the years, I’ve kept this art hanging on my wall.  When it hangs against the often blue painted accent walls so popular in therapy offices; it looks like a fish swimming in an ocean unfound by people.  It’s really a visual escape from the difficult topics discussed at times in therapy.

Would it surprise you that this artwork has often inspired and changed lives?  You see, sometimes people come to my office truly believing that they are ‘bad’ or ‘broken’.  Thoughts like that help keep depression active (“If I am bad, then I can’t be good!”) It allows the depression to be ‘right’ even before the thought finishes.  “I’m worthless” or “I’m bad” people will say.

It’s at that point, I very tenderly and delicately remove the art from my wall and allow the both of us to examine it.  I really treat it with reverence (it has become a healing tool, after all!)

“Isn’t this nice?”  I’ll say. “You know, a past colleague of mine made this for me.  I’m not sure how she made it exactly as I’m all thumbs with things like this.  But I believe that she scored some glass and this allowed her to break it into certain shapes.  She then assembled them with her imagination into a shape and bound it all with this solder. Isn’t this a beautiful fish?  Isn’t it interesting that she broke something and then it all came together into something far more beautiful than it’s separate parts?”

Some of the greatest art of our time is in a state of ‘brokenness’.

Photo by mzopw [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Ahh, remember her?  She is so popular that I’d be surprised if this is the first you’ve seen her!  Venus De Milo, right? I’m no art expert, but I can tell you she exhibits a completeness; a wholeness.  She is radiant perhaps because of (and not in spite of) something we expect to be there, but isn’t.

Venus has a really interesting (to me, anyway) history that you can find at the Louvre!

So, with all this said, broken or beautiful? You decide.

What is the ‘break’?

What specifically has been ‘broken’? Is it something someone has done to you? Is it something physical you once could do and now cannot? Is it a relationship with a parent, child, or spouse that isn’t what you wanted it to be? What exactly is the break?

What did the ‘break’ change for the worse?

Now that you have found the ‘break’, what did it affect negatively? How did it stop you from doing/feeling/thinking what you really want to.

Try to state these as factually as possible and try to avoid opinions. For example: “Jill was a jerk and now I can’t trust anyone” might actually be “Jill didn’t do what she told me she would. I trust her less.”

Make a list of these.

What did the change make for the better?

Now, could it have affected anything positively? Maybe Jill often would borrow money and not pay it back. Now that she isn’t around anymore, you can buy more groceries or things for yourself.

If you find yourself not doing as much physically do to a change, then maybe the treatment you have received has reduced pain or increased a relationship with someone else in your life.

Often times, changes in our lives cause us to adapt and change in ways we never thought possible. A person who doesn’t use a wheelchair likely is completely ignorant of what it is like to use one. A person who does use a wheelchair has a perspective that the other completely lacks.

I find the positives sometimes MUCH more difficult to think of, so give yourself adequate time.

I’d recommend making a list of these, too.

Review your lists

What did you think of your lists?

If you only had negatives, then take another look. It’s been my experience that very few events result in ONLY positive or negative outcomes.

Did anything change for the positive? Maybe at first glance, it doesn’t quite seem to ‘outweigh’ the negatives. If this is the case, then I encourage you to think about how much stronger, tougher, or more informed you are now than you were before the event.

To art, brokenness, and our beautiful shared fish-hood,

Chris

P.S. Thank you Stephanie T. for the beautiful work of art. Your work has brought insight to many; myself included.